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Fernando
Summary: Fernando is one of the central characters in the world of Greasy Moose. Known for his fiendish manwhoreing and devilish squid hunting, he is a force to be reckoned with. When death comes, he shall welcome it. Appearances: Fernandohyde, Crabs Happened, The Great Weed Drought of '03, The Hernando Show, The Perfect Latin Lover, Lovefist, Lovefist: The Fistening, Organ Merchant, Gooseman: Economist, Talk Show Host, The Lizard Vortex, Pleasure Island 3, Dance of the Manwhore, Quest of the Manwhore, Milk of the Manwhore, The Great Chimp Heist and the comics Catstab and Fernando's Speciality. Abilities Advanced hip thrusting maneuvers: Fernando has achieve a mastery of hip thrusting to the point of using it both offensively and defensively. Fernando has been able knock Big Plums unconscious with one well placed thrust to the face and has even claimed to be able to kill Apricot with a single thrust. Fernando's hip thrusts can also generate wind that allows him to project his masculine musk onto his opponents. The wind is strong enough to blow away Gooseman's disguise; a hat and fake beard. The Major Velvet Thrust: Fernando is capable of the second most powerful thrusting maneuver, the Major Velvet Thrust; a powerful barrage of hip thrusts that is able to hit opponent's from some distance. Fernando has so far only used this technique once in his battle against Big Plums. Although powerful the technique only proved to significantly weaken Big Plums and was not the finishing blow. Musk: Fernando has among the strongest masculine musks in the world and is able to utilize in battle being able to subdue several psychic Bald Peruvian Dogs. Fernando's musk only seems to be effective against much weaker opponents. The various citizens of pleasure island seem to be immune to his musk. Gooseman seems to be immune to it's effects but finds it uncomfortable. Fernando's musk can also be used as a smelling salt. Various Erotic Fighting Techniques: Although he has chosen to specialize in hip thrusting, Fernando has demonstrated an extensive knowledge of various Erotic fighting techniques. Most commonly Fernando uses some sort of erotic Ju Jitsu as he has been shown to grapple some opponents to gain a more advantageous position. Fernando and use such techniques as the Pelvic Poke. Knowledge of Various Eroticisms: Fernando can utilize the erotic arts (similar to magic). He has used such knowledge to subdue several opponents, once with the Goat Demon by charming the yogurt that she ate with his essence and Apricot by whispering masculine insinuations into his ear. Fernando can also utilize a skill known as "Echo Moancation" that allows him omnidirectional awareness of his surroundings. Seduction: Fernando, being extremely sexy, possesses incredible powers of seduction. Fernando seems to be more capable of seducing men but has no problems seducing women. Squid Hunter: Fernando is an excellent squid hunter and is especially deadly with his squid hunting harpoon. Endurance: Fernando has an indomitable capacity for endurance, having once used his most powerful attack against Big Plums and was still able to keep fighting long enough to defeat him. After being eaten whole by a Colossal squid with the vocal cords of a duck, Fernando was able to stab and slash his way out of the beast with his squid harpoon. Tactfulness: Although not supremely intelligent Fernando is very quick witted and resourceful, thinking quick on the fly and using the environment to his advantage. Weaknesses: Fernando is no more frail than any other human being but very few things can run the Manwhore flaccid with the exception of prolapses and even the utterance of the word Prolapse. Fernando is also vulnerable to psychic attacks from especially powerful psychics although he has defeated psychics before. Continuity Fernando's Background and story can be split into 2 separate timelines. 1 depicted in some of the earlier comics and flash animations and another being depicted in the Manwhore Industries saga and most comics such as Fernando and the South American Swap Meet. The second time line is the most well known but does give reference to the first and there is occasional crossover between the two. No official canon exist and is mostly left up to fan speculation. First timeline Fernando is the brother to Hernando and is close "friends" with Gooseman. Some pastimes of Fernando include: Watercolor painting, reading poetry to bed-bound children, and collecting and creating daisy chains. Fernando met when Gooseman found him in Uncle Warren's Crack House. During his childhood, Fernando experimented with crossdressing and not entirely recreational drugs, which possibly led to poor relations with his father (although there may be additional conflicts that caused this break in the father-son relation). Upon reaching adulthood, Fernando was the "king of all manwhores" and highly respected amungst the underground community. He had a fall from grace when Sarah McCray damaged and or removed his testicles and further lost his nerve in a "freak water-polo accident". Fernando had also worked alongside Todd McGovern in a gopher farm against their mutual enemy Pierce Sexington, III in his crab factory. Fernando has previously been romantically involved with Sarah McCray, Liza McCray (both as a man and a woman) and Randy. Long after their prior relationship when she was still a woman, Liza McCray and her sister Sarah McCray lured Robin and Fernando to their house and poisoned them with squid. This in turn lead to a deep emotional deppresion with Fernando, continuing to his sexual abusal of his mother. Liza fisted Fernando's ass with a clawed gauntlet to well beyond the brink of endurable pain. He previously was the roomate to Robin and spent some time sleeping in his car. Fernando rides a white goat, which can fly on rainbows in order to get around quickly. In his spare time, Fernando enjoys squid hunting, yoghurt, crack abuse, wax museums, cats and lounging in his prized parachute pants. Fernando once had an unconditional hatred and love of torturing cats, but after a certain incident involving Gooseman, Fernando became traumatised and thus became a "Cat guy". He currently lives with Gooseman, and a lot of cats. Gooseman once made Fernando's head explode by subjecting him to approximately one and a half minutes of recorded economist talk. Fernando is also shown to be a man-child of sorts, as he is shown to have a toy box and tea-parties with plush toys, as displayed in WORLD'S GREATEST MANWHORE Part 1. He also started an Internet blog on how to be a "Perfect Latin-lover." Second Timeline Fernando was born into a wizard goat cult heralded by his father, who had managed to uncover and began practicing the mystical arts that had been previously untouched for centuries. Fernando had a difficult relationship with his father who was known to be extremely strict and despised all forms of depravity and Pop music. Fernando had a desire from an early age to become a musician of sorts. With the disappearance of his father at sea, Fernando's sect disbanded with the goat wizarding arts dying with their leader. Still at a young age, Fernando was taken in by the Goatman Mr. Flaster who trained and acted as a mentor before Fernando managed go off on his own. Adventures Fernando became an excellent manwhore in order to support himself; having a natural talent for the practice. It is believed that Fernando did engage in some sort of adventures before meeting Gooseman and arriving on Pleasure Island, defeating the Goat Demon using methods taught to him by Mr. Flaster. Fernando also acquired the Spear of the Manwhore: an ancient weapon that belongs to his family and dwells the spirit of his most powerful ancestor who Fernando claims is not a benevolent spirit. Gooseman At some point Fernando descended into crack addiction. Gooseman claims to have found Fernando in a Cambodian drain pipe. Fernando would live with Gooseman taking part in his various schemes. The Orb of Gaia One day (so it seemed) Fernando found himself reaching deep into the earth to acquire the Orb of Gaia that subsequently entered his urethra giving him incredible powers of manifesting any object that he desired such as his squid harpoon or a love fist. Using the orb to escape one of Gooseman's North Korean methamphetamine socials he encountered Rebecca, his former lover, who offered to remove the orb from his body if he got in her hot pink rape van. This was actually a trap set by Huaira-Huañuy, an ancient Incan demon that Fernando's clan had fought for generations and had trapped him in a time loop that has lasted 3 million years. Fernando learns this from an unknown masculine voice that tells him this moments before he is devoured and snaps him out of the dazed trance that he was in. Fernando manages to defeat the demon and break the cycle, ending the time loop. Pleasure Island Eventually Fernando and Gooseman would arrive on pleasure island; Meeting Randy who would join them in their schemes and engage in some sort of romantic entanglement with Fernando. The two would face off against a mad scientist and his genetic experiments including one Colossal squid with the vocal cords of a duck that managed to swallow Fernando whole. Fernando would Free himself by stabbing and slashing his way out with his harpoon. Manwhore Industries At some point the Trio would leave Pleasure Island to pursue the creation of a media empire and founded Manwhore Industries. They begin producing music and music videos; Gooseman acquiring a helicopter and Gauss Rifle (along with the Essence of Manwhore, a fishing trawler). However with their finances slipping, Randy quits and returns to Pleasure Island leaving Fernando devastated. In order to boost profits they create and sell a new fragrance based on Fernando's musk Essence. Despite this their company continues to slip as they begin to sell out and produce commercials for cheap viagra. Worlds Greatest Manwhore Fernando Receives word from Mr. Flaster that Raymundo: the first manwhore has been resurrected on Pleasure Island and will soon possess powers of seduction Greater than even Fernando. In a quest to stop him Fernando, Gooseman and his Uncle Warren travel to Pleasure island. A fierce battle ensues but Raymundo proves to be far too much of a match and is only stopped from committing the finishing blow onto Fernando when he suddenly Challenges him to a battle of seduction where they must seduce the closest woman. That woman happens to be Randy; tending to the walrus pit. Fernando manages to defeat Raymundo with Randy telling all the men, except Fernando, to leave. Flustered by this upset, Raymundo hops on his horse and laughs maniacally. Uncle Warren then slashes Raymundo's throat, killing him. Fernando asks Randy to come back working for the Company. However, Randy rejects the offer and Fernando accepts with a heavy sigh. During a scheme cooked up by Gooseman and Randy to acquire free crabs. Fernando befriends Crindolo: lost god of the sea mammals, who helps Fernando and company soundly defeat the pleasure police and seize control of pleasure island; becoming major heads of state. Fernando was made President for life on Pleasure Island by Gooseman to pose as a figure head, while Gooseman worked behind the scenes as Fernando's first minister. The Fall of Manwhore Industries After some time serving as heads of state Fernando and Gooseman leave pleasure island to continue on with Manwhore industries leaving Randy behind; still serving as the police commissioner of the Pleasure police. With the Company barely staying a float with its line of male fragrances. Manwhore Industries would receive a heavy blow as one individual would apply too much of the Fragrance to them selves causing Liver failure and death. With the Consumer Safety Association coming after them, Fernando and Gooseman would have to liquidate the company (while still somehow keeping the chopper and Gauss Rifle secure somewhere) and set sail on the Essence of Manwhore (their fishing trawler) and go into hiding. The duo would live on the high seas catching and selling fish and even began to record a podcast where they answered questions from their fans, and played tabletop RPG's akin to D&D. During their absence on Pleasure Island after staging the coup that placed them as heads of state. Vera (the eyepatch lady to Fernando) staged another coup on the island and implementing a counsel as a form of government on the island allowing all the factions some sort of representations. Vera would start a resort on the island and would reach out to Fernando and Gooseman with the offer to return without persecution and would be able to work at the resort. This offer would be whisked away once before Gooseman threatened to share state secrets such as where the bodies of the dead tourists were buried on the island. It is believed that the counsel allowed the two to return at some point as they are found once again on pleasure island. The Grapefruit Blackmarket Back on the Island Fernando discovered a plot to attack Fetish Fest, the most sacred of pleasure island holidays after dispatching a Rampaging gimp named Apricot. Fernando would confront the Grapefruit Blackmarket at the festival and would quickly dispatch both Private Peach and Cherry Boy before engaging their leader "Big Plums". The Battle with big plums was fierce and and Big Plums was easily one of Fernando's greatest foes. Big Plums was able to summon a herd of walruses one of which would almost devour the manwhore until at the last second Apricot would step in to stop the marine beast before being consumed by it. Fernando would would unveil the second most powerful thrusting maneuver: the Major Velvet thrust, unleashing a barrage onto Big Plums. In a final exchange, Fernando would subdue his foe with one final pelvic thrust to the face. As the dust would settle Fernando would return to the beach and proceed to eat a tub of apricot flavored yogurt in honor of Apricot's noble sacrifice. Fernando would encounter BP and company again, involving a ritual to resurrect "Baroness" an ancient fruit fiend. Fernando would suffer minor amnesia regarding the ritual but after befriending a tourist named Quincy he discovers the three fruit fiends in a pleasure KO in a summoning circle. It is revealed that Gooseman was used as a vessel by the Baroness that now possessed his body. After an altercation involving a Hungarian copy of the Browning high power pistol. Fernando is possessed by Baroness who utilizes the manwhore's body as a conduit for incredible sensual power, triggering a powerful shock wave that pleasure KO's all of pleasure island. The possessed manwhore is incredibly powerful; being able to emit beams of powerful pink energy. Gooseman manages to take Baroness by surprise and exercise her from Fernando's body with a firm back hand to the face. The Baroness then relocates to the bowels of Big Plums who proclaims that all has gone according to plan as Fernando, Gooseman and Quincy walk away. Voice: Chris Voigt Category:Charecters Category:Characters